Chuck Burton - AP

MJ: "Damn You got with her too?" TW: (Sheepishly) "yeah" White Dude: (Thinking to himself) "these f-ing guys"

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Dear Tiger,

You've had a tough couple of weeks bro - it must suck having the world all up in your business, especially since you've been such a private son of a bitch. BTW I heard you just broke the record for most consecutive days on the cover of the New York Post.  Who'd you knock off...none other than MF-ing 9/11!  Well since the last two or so weeks have been your own personal 9/11 I figured I submit to you a list of questions that we are all are dying to hear the answers to.  Get back to me soon, get it all out on the table, fuck Oprah.

1.  We're at 16 how many more are there gonna be?

2.  Which one was the hottest? That Rachel Uchitel was banging, but that Jamie Grubbs looks wild..

3.  No black chicks huh?  You couldn't throw one in there?  Do you really hate black people like they say?

4.  Does Ambien really make it that much crazier?

5.  Why weren't you more discreet?

6.  Is Elin a flat backer?

7.  Were you high,drunk, or pilled the fuck out at the time of the crash?

8. Was Elin beating your ass before you jumped in the car?  Is that why you hightailed it out of there?

9.  Have you and Mike Weir (Weirzy) ever had a threesome?

10.  Ballpark, how much are you gonna lose in the divorce?

11.  How much would you have paid for all this never to have happened?  Seriously 200 mil?  Be honest.

12.  What do you consider to be your best win?  I'd say the '97 Masters

13.  Most black guy's don't give chicks head, your thoughts on the matter?

14.  What was up with that one bitch from the waffle house?  She was nasty.

15.  Where'd you get hooked up the best in Vegas?

16.  Did Barkley and Jordan know you were so pussy crazed?

17.  You've used the same Scotty Cameron putter since the 2000 U.S. Open, right?

18.  Who'd you rather - Natalie Gulbis or Paula Creamer?

19.  Are you coming back for the '10 Masters?

20.  Why in the fuck did you get married?