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I Am Freaking Out Man

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Tristan Cockroft - I just wanted to say his name somewhere in this post.
Tristan Cockroft - I just wanted to say his name somewhere in this post.

So the fantasy playoffs have officially begun and I am going against Dallass Clark so I am already getting killed. I am already down 21 points, and as it stands today I am not sure if my QB is actually gonna play (Brady) and I am starting Maurice "who the fuck?" Morris due to Kevin Smith's exploded knee. I have had a good fantasy year (10-4) and I have never won a ring, and at this point I'd trade my first born child for a taste of fantasy glory. I have provided my fantasy matchup for ya'll to look at - please tell me I have a chance! And should I actually start Maurice Morris or should I go with Rim Thighpower (Tim Hightower)? Detroit fan's have you heard about how they are gonna use Morris and Aaron Brown? Please guys I need this...I need this.

Me: Team Name: PenisCopter (dont ask)

Tom Brady

Larry Fitzgerald

Chad Ochocinco

Frank Gore

Maurice Morris

Vernon Davis

Jets D

Nick Folk


My Opponent: Team Name: Cock Poon Moan

Matt 'Slob a Knob" Schaub

Randy "I give boss" Moss

Anquan Blowin Dudes (Boldin)

LT "licks taint"

Cedric Bendoverson (Benson - that one's not funny)

Dal "takes it up the" ass Clark

Cardinals D (I got nothing)

"Nasty" Nate Kaeding (he looks like such a pussy)

PS my scoring is rb's/wr's/te's get a point every ten yards rushing and receiving and 6 points for a td. QB's get 1 point for every 20 yards passing and 5 points for passing td's. Kickers get a point for fg's 2 points for fg's over 50 yds - nothing for xp's.