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K-Mart Needs to Chill the F Out


Without fail, April Fools day brings about a bevy of half baked pranks. Some are hilarious, the vast majority are quite lame, and still others are so ill conceived that you wonder if something went wrong when the prankster himself was conceived. Every year, it seems like the sports world gets more into the April Fools spirit than other industry...airline pilots, cardiologists and parole officers are notorious buzzkills when it comes to workplace hijinks. Professional athletes are a different breed though, since their maturity sometimes suffers from the same disease that afflicts the exterior bodies of Webster and Gary Coleman. That combined with the fact that they have seemingly endless resources and plenty of downtime, creates a perfect storm of prank-ery. Guys like Ken Griffey Jr. and Greg Maddux are revered for their clubhouse tomfoolery....and now we have the other end of the spectrum. Enter Kenyon Martin.

Basically, Kenyon got punked by a Denver ball boy, a title now doubly appropriate for the big swinging brass ones it took to fill Martin's land rover with popcorn. When he found out, K-Mart threatend to "put his hands on" whoever did it, as well as sit out the playoffs. I'll spare you the play by play because you can read a full account HERE, but suffice it to say K-Mart cannot take a joke. Which is pretty surprising for a guy that has embraced a nickname previously made famous by a now defunct low-rate, discount chain. Personally, I thought he would have thicker skin...especially since many of his tattoos look like they were done while he passed out in a frat house with his shoes on.

This is a pretty funny prank. Not as good as Griffey putting a cow in Pinella's office or paying a several thousand dollar debt to a teammate in pennies...but it's okay. K-Mart's reaction is wayyyyy over the top. If we are talking economics here, this would be like me trying to stab somebody for putting hot sauce in my Bud Light...because K-Mart can literally buy Rovers like I buy cheap domestic beers. Props to you ball boy...and tisk tisk K-Mart, you make Milton Bradley look like a good sport.